In the past week I've watched 3 episodes of Xena: Warrior Princess, two episodes of Star Trek and two episodes of Battlestar, read one whole fantasy sci fi book and started another. Bam!
You see, when other people giggle and sigh (it usually happens during the pre-pre sexy times known as "flirting") and proclaim that they are "such a nerd", I have to politely remove myself from conversation. Because I'm not a nerd.
Not. A nerd. As in, I used to watch Seinfeld, and regularly. When I bring up the Xena and Star Trek, I omit the fact that I also watched three or four episodes of Roseanne. This week.
But what is a nerd, exactly? Someone with esoteric tastes? Someone who obsesses over obscure topics ad nausem? Someone who wears pocket protectors and glasses? Is it a regional assignment (because I'm pretty sure that anyone who watches Buffy in Portland doesn't qualify as having obscure, esoteric tastes and interests)?
What is it?
I think it is this; a declaration of membership, specifically to the shockingly popular and elitist Portland Nerd Herd Society,and they have strict and narrow viewership/interest requirements, which include Buffy and knitting and shirking all forms of physical activity that do not involve a bicycle. That is all. I could submit myself to hours and hours of viewing and bike riding and soon enough join the ranks, but as Groucho Marx (I think) put it, I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me.
I'd rather be in my own, personal, one-person club of one, where the women are cheap and the liquor is easy. In my one person club of one, I will wax poetic over topics of my choice, which include; 1)boats. 2) the Patrick O'Brian series (which animal ate Captain Aubrey's hat? Correct, it was the sloth! What was the fate of Haribidian? Correct, it was Death by Sharks!) 3) Public transportation, 4) forest service wildlife management, 5) the yearly calendar replacement, 6) walking, 7) the vile nature of beets (uggghhh...),8) why 'series' anything is better than single projects, and so on. I would be very entertained!
Isn't that nerd cred enough? Doesn't having an interest in calendars qualify me for genuine nerdhood? Do I really have to watch more Joss Whedon stuff? Nothing against him, but when did he become a Nerd Requirement? What if you're (gasp) appreciative, but not worshipful? What if you like (GASP!) period dramas and (*gurgle!*-choke!-) Mel Brooks comedies? Where does that leave you? Huh?
Recently, someone told me that they did not like the Big Lebowski because it was mainstream. They are stupid. They are lying, to me, to themselves, to the world. They don't like the Big Lebowksi because they don't like that 'herd' feeling. Which is odd, dontcha think, considering how herdlike the nerdhood of Portland tends to be? Considering how many, many people shirk the 'mainstream' to jump into the same very, very crowded little puddle? A puddle of Whedon...
Bahahahahaha!
Now while we're still here, and you're probably a huge Whedon fan and already firing off a death threat via the internet, let me just say this; Bollocks, you! Take it like a man!
Oh, wait... but, you are, aren't you? Isn't that sad...
But what I actually meant to say was this; I like most of the Portland Nerd Herd society stuff. I just don't like all of it. I really don't like the elitist attitude surrounding it one stinkin' bit (it's put me off any Whedon viewings for the time being), but you find that shit everywhere. Football, soccer, the hoity-toity art world, the theater scene, politics and religion (duh), animal ownership, yada yada yada...
Yada yada yada is from Seinfeld.
There seems to be a lot of this attitude in Portland. I'd happily have the same attitude if everyone was nerding up on some Patrick O'Brian. They're not, though. Sigh...
Perhaps it is time to slink off into the night and find... My People. We will talk about boats. Oh, yes.
You see, when other people giggle and sigh (it usually happens during the pre-pre sexy times known as "flirting") and proclaim that they are "such a nerd", I have to politely remove myself from conversation. Because I'm not a nerd.
Not. A nerd. As in, I used to watch Seinfeld, and regularly. When I bring up the Xena and Star Trek, I omit the fact that I also watched three or four episodes of Roseanne. This week.
But what is a nerd, exactly? Someone with esoteric tastes? Someone who obsesses over obscure topics ad nausem? Someone who wears pocket protectors and glasses? Is it a regional assignment (because I'm pretty sure that anyone who watches Buffy in Portland doesn't qualify as having obscure, esoteric tastes and interests)?
What is it?
I think it is this; a declaration of membership, specifically to the shockingly popular and elitist Portland Nerd Herd Society,and they have strict and narrow viewership/interest requirements, which include Buffy and knitting and shirking all forms of physical activity that do not involve a bicycle. That is all. I could submit myself to hours and hours of viewing and bike riding and soon enough join the ranks, but as Groucho Marx (I think) put it, I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me.
I'd rather be in my own, personal, one-person club of one, where the women are cheap and the liquor is easy. In my one person club of one, I will wax poetic over topics of my choice, which include; 1)boats. 2) the Patrick O'Brian series (which animal ate Captain Aubrey's hat? Correct, it was the sloth! What was the fate of Haribidian? Correct, it was Death by Sharks!) 3) Public transportation, 4) forest service wildlife management, 5) the yearly calendar replacement, 6) walking, 7) the vile nature of beets (uggghhh...),8) why 'series' anything is better than single projects, and so on. I would be very entertained!
Isn't that nerd cred enough? Doesn't having an interest in calendars qualify me for genuine nerdhood? Do I really have to watch more Joss Whedon stuff? Nothing against him, but when did he become a Nerd Requirement? What if you're (gasp) appreciative, but not worshipful? What if you like (GASP!) period dramas and (*gurgle!*-choke!-) Mel Brooks comedies? Where does that leave you? Huh?
Recently, someone told me that they did not like the Big Lebowski because it was mainstream. They are stupid. They are lying, to me, to themselves, to the world. They don't like the Big Lebowksi because they don't like that 'herd' feeling. Which is odd, dontcha think, considering how herdlike the nerdhood of Portland tends to be? Considering how many, many people shirk the 'mainstream' to jump into the same very, very crowded little puddle? A puddle of Whedon...
Bahahahahaha!
Now while we're still here, and you're probably a huge Whedon fan and already firing off a death threat via the internet, let me just say this; Bollocks, you! Take it like a man!
Oh, wait... but, you are, aren't you? Isn't that sad...
But what I actually meant to say was this; I like most of the Portland Nerd Herd society stuff. I just don't like all of it. I really don't like the elitist attitude surrounding it one stinkin' bit (it's put me off any Whedon viewings for the time being), but you find that shit everywhere. Football, soccer, the hoity-toity art world, the theater scene, politics and religion (duh), animal ownership, yada yada yada...
Yada yada yada is from Seinfeld.
There seems to be a lot of this attitude in Portland. I'd happily have the same attitude if everyone was nerding up on some Patrick O'Brian. They're not, though. Sigh...
Perhaps it is time to slink off into the night and find... My People. We will talk about boats. Oh, yes.
Eep! I have so much to say in response I'm afraid I may have to write a whole long (boring) post about it. Suffice to say that I am genuinely a nerd, and not because I like Whedon-y stuff, in spite of his fakey fake feminism. Boo on that. ANYway, having suffered at the hands of the super-cool jock and theater crowds (once they broke my glasses with a basketball! another time they made fun of my pants until I ran out of art class crying!), I am pretty reluctant to give up my hard-earned "nerd" label, even though assholes who've been in the "in" crowd all their lives are now laying claim to it. They're not nerds, they're just pale and skinny and have stupid bikes that don't shift and glasses they don't need. Fuck them.
ReplyDeleteP.S. ZOMG we need a new calendar. I want one with kittens. Millions and millions of kittens.
ReplyDeleteYou make a good point. 'Nerd cool' is a fairly recent phenomenon. I could commiserate with you about the particular cruelty of theater kids (the jocks I knew in high school were too dumb for cruelty, but they were often mean). Perhaps you could retag yourself as an 'original nerd' from before the onset of nerd cool. But that same cruelty and elitism I see popping up in certain declared 'nerd herds' in P-town. I went to a party about a year ago where my lack of Buffy and Firefly knowledge meant that I was confined to a corner of the room for three hours with no one to talk to about things I was actually familiar with. Anything at all. When I brought up a non-Whedon topic, I was actually mocked by another party-goer, who was then backed up by his buddies. It was high school all over again, except the nerds were in charge and every bit as cruel as their former tormentors. Hence the mild strain of anti-Whedonism... it's not him. It's his followers. Like Jesus! Good guy, decent product, dangerous cult following.
ReplyDeleteI'm still not sure I was ever a nerd. The freak tag might have applied in high school (I wore polyester for an entire year).
But, I've seen your nerdhood, Sarah, and it is OK. Genuine nerdiness is a-okay. Keep on rolling wid yo BAD self!
And precisely what was it that was discovered in the false bottom of Haribidian's case after his death? Bonus question: how had it come to be presumed "lost" in the first place? Why, this is a kind of nerdery in its own right...
ReplyDelete